“Nope. ‘Nother half hour, she said." I'm back down on my hands and knees, reaching for the gold once again.

“Alright. Are you ok?" My parents are terrified of sex, but they're also terrified of anything happening to me too.

"No, I'm being attacked by a unicorn. Help! It's getting glitter on me!" I dryly replied.

I heard my dad stifle a Laugh.

“Alright mate. I'll be in at about ten to." I glanced at the clock. Ten to five. That'd be three quarters of an hour.

“No probs, see you then."

"Bye." Click.

I hung up and left the receiver on the floor beside me. A little to the left and...bingo!

I tugged the magazines out from the heaving mess and grinned to myself as I threw them on the bed. Then the phone rang.

I looked up at the ceiling. I'm not normally the religious type but right then I was definitely asking the big G if he really wanted my balls to explode or not. I picked up the phone.

"Yes?" My voice was less than cordial.

“Larry?" The voice at the other end of the line seemed unsure of itself.

“Oh hey, Mrs. Taylor. What's up?" I asked, suddenly turning away from my stash.

I didn't mind rooting for the stuff whilst on the phone but the idea of talking to my parents or the kind, little, portly Mrs. Barbara Taylor whilst checking out porno magazines felt just plain wrong.

“Oh it's nothing you should worry about dear." Everyone was a “dear” to

Mrs. Taylor. For a woman in her late forties she sounded Like a generic recording of everyone's grandma.

“It's just that we're home early, you see. Jenny's had a bit of an accident."

I suddenly sat bolt upright in my chair. Jenny was my oldest friend.

“What!?" What kind of an accident would make them cut their camping trip short? Hell, I'd only expected the woman to ask me if her living room light was still on.

“Calm down, Larry. She's fine. Just got bitten in the leg by something out in the dark. It wasn't serious when we found her, just a little bleeding. We got it checked at the hospital and she's fine, but a bad limp can put a bit of a dampener on a camping trip, so we came home.