At least, it seemed like that on the surface until my paranoid mind set in and started to consider the consequences. If there was anything that my one and only romantic relationship had taught me, it was that being in a relationship amplifies those consequences, for both good and bad.

If I annoyed a fuck buddy like Alice? No big deal, we'd forget about it soon enough. If I annoyed my ex-girlfriend Naimh, she'd feel hurt and neglected and start questioning whether or not I really Loved her.

Actually, that was the crux of the matter: not the romantic relationship itself, but the idea of love. Love still confused the hell out of me, and made me question whether or not I even knew the difference between love, infatuation, and just plain horniness. I

“Loved" a girl more and felt supremely connected to her while spurting great wads of cum deep into the furthest recesses of her body. In hindsight, I was pretty sure that wasn't real "Love". I "loved" a girl when I spooned up behind her in bed, just feeling the warmth and connection of her body against mine. Or maybe that was just comfort. I

“Loved" a girl when she went away, missed her presence in my life and yearned for her to come back sooner than later. But wasn't that like textbook infatuation?

Keeping things casual within the BTC had tempered those feelings of love. Sure, all six of them had told me at one point or another that they loved me, and I'd told them Likewise as well. We tried to qualify our statements as “Loving” someone versus “being IN Love", but the more we all said the words the more convinced I was that NONE of us knew what love really meant. We were all having fun. We were all fucking the shit out of each other. And the only time any of us ever got really hurt was when Naimh and I had actually made the boyfriend/commitment , started talking about real romantic love, and then promptly got burned by it.

Part of me believed I should say, “Fuck this shitty idea and don't mess with the status quo. We're better off as a collection of seven friends, and as long as I can get Neevie to understand that we'll never be more than friends-with-benefits, I can get onboard with fucking her brains out as often as she wants. No more boycott, everyone has some good orgasms, and we can go to college our separate ways in August with a lot of fond memories and no serious regrets."

Perfect, right?

So why did only PART of me believe I should say that?

Well, I was still wondering about love.

I think humans are pre-programmed in our DNA to have this desire, this craving to be in love. At the same time, our DNA is pretty stupid if it can't Likewise program us to know what Love is. Or maybe it's true that you'll know love when you know it, and I simply hadn't known it yet. In the meantime, I felt like a headless chicken running around the yard with no idea where to go.

The point is: I WANTED to be in love. I'd wanted to be in love with

Naimh, but in the end, it seemed to me that I'd never felt more than extreme Lust.

I'd wanted to be in love with Belle, but the more I thought about our relationship, the more I realized that she was still my ‘little sister’ and what I felt for her was more familial "I want you to be in my life forever". She'd even said it once before herself, that as siblings-with-benefits we could be eternal.

Zofi was gay. Not happening.

Alice had made clear I was her fuck-buddy without romance, and even a vacation playing boyfriend/girlfriend just to try it on for size wasn't seriously going to change that.

So that left Mari and Sam. I felt like I'd never given Mari a fair chance. She was so sweet and lovable, and I seriously did not take enough advantage of her body built for sex. Maybe she didn't have quite as high a sex drive as Naimh, but if she ever wanted to she could probably outfuck them all. But even putting aside incredible sex, she was an even more incredible human being. Yeah, she said she was on Team

Belle, but she'd also confessed in Tahoe that she loved me. Could there be more in there?

Naimh had said that if any of the girls had been in love with me all along but was burying her feelings out of respect for her friends, well now was her chance to change my mind. If that statement applied to anyone, it was Mari. And even though she hadn't said much in the time before I got up to leave, I could see the light in her eyes at the idea of spending a week being my girlfriend.

Sam... Sam confused the hell out of me, especially with the way she'd taken such good care of me in the aftermath of my breakup and then promptly disappeared out of my life again. She wore the mask all day every day, and when it slipped I caught glimpses of the true face beneath. It seemed to me Like there were two different Sams: the young woman who dreamed of being Aphrodite and fought so competitively to be

Matty's "favorite", and the career-driven workaholic who didn't want to be distracted by "love". Everyone could see it: Even Belle had said just last night that Sam was super in Love with me and wanted my mom for a mother-in-law even while telling herself not to think about it.

What would happen if we spent a week together as boyfriend/girlfriend?

Would she let me see her true face, get to know the young woman inside who may or may not be in love with me, and give me the chance to find out if I might Love her in return?

I suddenly found myself VERY interested in finding out.

But would she even TAKE a week together with me as boyfriend/girlfriend or just dismiss the whole idea, tell me to maintain status quo, and perhaps even point me in the direction of Naimh and give me a good kick in the butt to go back to her?