I took a deep breath, realizing how much I was rambling. My brain felt like it had turned to jello, as if I'd blown its entire infrastructure out through my penis a minute earlier. Struggling to make sense of my jumbled thoughts, I turned and stared out into the middle distance as I tried to explain, “It's easy to feel ‘in Love’ when everything is going well. When life is untroubled and there's plenty of time and space for passion and lust, a relationship feels easy. But it's when things aren't going so well, when you're sad or frustrated or... or when you hear your girlfriend scream another man's name while you're having sex... that's when you find out what real love is."

I paused and Looked back down at her.

“When I was feeling at my worst, you were there for me. I went off walking by myself, and you pulled over and walked with me. That same night, you called your mom and told her you needed to stay with me instead of going home. Then, the morning after the big fight in Santa

Cruz and everyone was packing up and getting ready to leave, you went out of your way to give me a blowjob just to make me feel better." I bent down and gently kissed her.

“I don't think I ever properly said thank you."

Sam smiled, her eyes twinkling.

“I distinctly remember you saying

‘thank you' after the Santa Cruz blowjob."

“But I never told you before how much I really appreciated it - being there for me after the whole thing went down with Neevie more than the blowjob, at least. That's just your nature. Even before we started having sex, I can think of a half-dozen times off the top of my head when you cleared time out of your busy schedule just to be there for me. Second semester junior year when I had that freak-out over not having all of my U.S. History memorized before the final. You stayed with me until Like eleven at night drilling me instead of worrying about your own finals."

She shrugged. "I knew I'd ace mine and wanted to make sure you aced yours."

“Sophomore year just before Christmas, I had an emotional breakdown over feeling like an orphan. You spent like three hours reminding me how much my friends cared about me. I still vividly remember the way you set your forehead against mine and just sort of... hummed... while hugging me. It made me feel so much better."

Sam smiled. "I remember that day too."

“And it's not even just about me." I paused and grinned. "I remember

Zofi being appreciative for you spending a whole day following us around San Francisco taking photos for her Roman Holiday date. You have this crazy jam-packed schedule and sometimes it feels Like you're never around. But when something's important -- when it really matters for you to be there -- you drop everything to truly be there. That's special."

Sam blushed.

“I really don't think it's such a big deal. Any friend would do so."

I shook my head. "YOU were there for me when I needed you most. It's easy for a friend to come hang out when everything is going great and then disappear when things get tough. You're absent when I don't really need you around, and that's fine, because when I DO need you around, you're there."

“YOU'RE the one who's here for ME right now.”

“And I'm super glad you came here in your time of need."

“Well, with anybody else I'd be imposing. You DO have a spare guest room. And of course your mum is super-cool.”

“She did turn out to be super-cool, I'LL admit." I arched an eyebrow.

“But are you saying that if, say, Alice had a spare bedroom, you'd have shown up on her doorstep that night?”

“Well... no..." Sam blushed and gave me a coy look, the one that told me I was super-special to her even though she didn't really want to admit it.

That idea that I was as super-special to her as she was to me gave me hope. It made me say what I said next. I still hesitated -- I knew what this confession might mean, knew how much harm it could do, and some truths are best Left unsaid. But I still said it anyway. Maybe things would work out well. Maybe I would not only NOT fuck up our friendship, but a new door might open for us.

So I took a deep breath and confessed, “You are the most amazing young woman I've ever met, bar none. I respect your drive and determination.