I rolled my eyes.

“Of COURSE I not-so-secretly wished that."

“How is this any different?"

“It's not any different. When I was still a virgin and you were asking me if it was okay that you didn't bare your nipple and Let me suck on it? That was me being supportive and not making you do anything you didn't want to do. Last summer? You weren't ready to cross that Line, and I was fine with it. And in case you haven't noticed, we did cross that line eventually.”

Sam managed a Little smile at that.

“And right now?" I continued. "It's exactly the same. I want to be supportive and attend to your needs, whatever they may be, at whatever comfort Level you feel."

“But I knew you wanted to suck on my nipple back then, and I know you love me and want to be with me and want to have the kind of close emotional relationship you never got with Neevie, don't you? I mean, you're gonna SAY you're okay with not getting it just Like you ALWAYS say you're okay with not getting it. You've spent YEARS telling me you're willing to accept whatever I'm comfortable with even if deep down you actually want more from me, and do you have ANY idea how guilty that's made me feel when I realized I was treating you like a disposable plaything? I USED you for years, always taking, never giving. And with you now telling me that you're in love with me, I just can‘t--"

“Whoa-whoa-whoa," I held up both hands, cutting her off. "First of all, please don't feel like you were using me. I got PLENTY out of your teasing; my mental spank bank was permanently overflowing because of you. And the absolute LAST thing I want is for you to try becoming my perfect girlfriend out of GUILT. Is THAT why you asked me to be your boyfriend?"

She shook her head, still clearly confused.

“Do you honestly NOT want me to become your girlfriend?”

“Like I said, if you and me becoming devoted girlfriend and boyfriend is what YOU want, then I will do everything in my power to make you happy."

Sam screwed up her face.

“That is NOT what I want to hear right now

Matty! I'M the one standing here trying to tell you I will do everything in my power to make YOU happy!”

I snorted.

“That's not how this relationship works. That's never how this relationship has worked."

Sam splayed out her hands and gave me an incredulous look of both confusion and frustration.

Closing my eyes and holding up both index fingers, I took a deep breath to collect my thoughts, Mother's words about power in the back of my mind. When I opened my eyes again, I found Sam pacing back and forth across my kitchen with her arms folded over her chest and her lower jaw jutting forth with her teeth clenched.

Taking another deep breath, I gave Sam a serious look and stated evenly, “I want you to listen close: I. Don't. Need. You. To Change.

You've always set the pace in this relationship. You run, I follow and stare at your ass the whole way. I'm the marionette, and you're holding the strings. THAT'S how this relationship has worked, and I LIKE it that way. You're strong, and you're confident, and yeah, you Like feeling in control. I'm happy to help you feel in control."

Sam stopped pacing and gave me a curious Look.

“And let me repeat for what feels Like the millionth time: When I said

I wasn't asking you to change a thing about your routine, I meant it.

No secret wish for you to become my perfect girlfriend. This is different from the baring your nipple and letting me suckle on it thing. Yes, I will absolutely grant that I wanted to suck on your boobs from the moment you brought them within six inches of my mouth. But this? No, I was genuine about not asking you to change your routine. I don't secretly want you to blow off your extracurriculars to be an attentive girlfriend. I don't secretly want you give up ANYTHING about your current life for my sake. I ONLY wanted to tell you how I felt.

That's it. I mean, I appreciate that you were willing to subjugate your own needs in order to appease your sense of guilt for my sake, but it's not necessary. I am perfectly happy keeping things the way they are."