And yet, I wasn't her boyfriend anymore. We'd broken up, and we'd moved on. And I was so shocked at seeing her again that I couldn't move.

We kind of looked at each in the awkward silence, and when Amber realized I wasn't going to say anything she cleared her throat and looked at me nervously.

"Uh, how are you?"

I shrugged silently.

She seemed pained to know that I wasn't talking to her just yet, but at least I wasn't completely ignoring her. With her eyebrows canted to the sides in a pleading expression, she asked, "Can I come in?"

I glanced back inside the house to the bedroom where Cherys and Danielle were undoubtedly in the middle of a very intense conversation. Looking back at Amber I slowly shook my head in the negative.

Her face fell and she half-turned away in rejection, But I interrupted her by saying, “Let's go for a walk.”

Stunned, Amber simply waited in silence as I retrieved my keys and shoes to go out. A minute later, I locked up and then started walking down the sidewalk, not even waiting for her.

At the curb was a big black Mercedes S-class, not Amber's style. She'd probably borrowed the car from her parents. It was a subtle reminder that she didn't live here anymore. She'd left me to pursue her dream.

I walked forward at a slow enough pace that Amber quickly caught up to me. It was all I could do to not turn and embrace her in the strongest, tightest hug I could possibly manage. Three years ago she'd gone off to Stanford and medical school. Three years she'd made love to me in OUR home, then immediately flown away and never looked back.

For three years, I never got a single phone call, email, text message, or even a personal message passed along from a friend. Nothing. Zero, Zilch. I should have hated her for it.

Instead, all I wanted to do was throw her onto the grass and kiss her like we'd been separated for only two days and I'd been missing my girlfriend, But I was still angry with her. Amber had abandoned me. Who was she to think that she could leave me when convenient and then just show up on my doorstep as if nothing had ever happened between us? Did she really think she could ignore my phone calls and emails and letters for three years, and then just return and have me back?

I think I actually felt my brain *pinche.

She could. She could have me back. I loved her. I still loved her. Amber could have shown up at my wedding to Cherys and I would have left it all behind for her.

For Amber.

I missed her so much...

If I just looked at her, saw her beautiful face again, I would forgive her everything and fall into her arms if SHE would only take ME back,

So I couldn't look at her.

It would be too easy. I would be giving up too much of myself. My brain tried to tell me that I deserved better than that. And besides, I was still too fractured emotionally after being put through the ringer by Danielle and Cherys. I was vulnerable and irrational. If I was still in a relationship with Cherys and Danielle right now, how would I have reacted at seeing Amber again?

I guess now I would never know. All I had was how I felt in this moment, which was a painful mix of two urges: one, to madly embrace her in a rush of passion; and two, to shut her away and never speak with her again. I couldn't decide which I wanted more.

Amber made my decision for me by slipping her hand into mine. Her touch was warm, reassuring. And when her fingers squeezed down, I turned and looked into her sky blue eyes, so luminous and liquid. I could see her own longing in her eyes, and before I could even blink I'd brought my face to hers and pressed our lips together, holding her head in my hands and kissing her like the world was about to end.

An ecstatic cry of happiness welled up in Amber's throat as our lips lashed one another and our tongues intertwined. But a moment later, I tore myself away and turned around, sagging to the ground on one knee and pressing my palms to my own temples in an attempt to crush my own head and end my misery.

I couldn't take it. My mind was scrambling in a dozen different directions at once. Yes-Amber, No-Amber, Cherys, Danielle, pregnancy, single-life, and on and on and on. I'd pushed myself to the brink of insanity too many times in the past hour and finally I was about to crack. My eyes were wide in terror and I screamed, unable to make sense of it anymore.

And then Amber's arms were around me as she urgently exclaimed, "David? David?" in a frightened tone.

AlL I could do was scream again as loud as I possibly could, the sound tearing out of my throat like a banshee out of hell. I couldn't take it anymore.