“Dan can't have kids, he got a vasectomy when he was eighteen because he never wanted any. He regrets that decision and he sort of looks at you as a son he never had."

“But still its strange knowing they did that together. When did he quit?"

“He didn't." Dad pointed at me, “This is another thing you can't say you know, or it gives everything away. Dan acted a few more years, then became an agent, now he directs. From what your mother says he's one of the good guys in the industry, treats the girls well, and doesn't push them to do what they don't want

“Going to be hard to look at him the same way."

“I know, twenty years later seeing Dan still reminds me of what your mother did. Still makes me jealous in away and that's part of why I have these damn movies."

“That what you keep saying you're getting to?"

“paul, as crazy as this sounds, I'm kind of glad you found those. For one, I thought you should know. Your mother disagreed and I abided by her decision, but can't help it now, right? So if God forbid someone finds out about her, at least you heard it from me first."

“Hopefully it doesn't." Dad was right about that, shit what if Jack or any of my other friends found this out? My life would be hell, never mind what they might say to mom.

"So far so good." He paused and ran his fingers along the movies again.

“The other reason is I can now at least talk to someone about this. I've lived with this secret for over twenty years. Think about it, who the hell could I ever tell this to?"

“Didn't think of it like that."

“And we've always told you we want you to know we can talk about anything, no matter what, so I guess this is where I practice what I preach because I have a confession to make, Paul. One that's eaten me up for a long time." “Then fire away." I told him.

“Only fair, you've been listening to my problems for years."

“These movies, what your mother did in them. Paul they drive me fucking crazy."

“I understand, I mean it can't be easy to know your wife did..." “No, crazy as in they turn me on."

“They do?" I was stunned, not just at the admission, but the fact the damn things had me turned on too.

“They do, I told you the first one I bought I couldn't stop watching it. I didn't tell you at that point that I went and bought more. I watched them all over and over. When I wasn't watching, I would lay there in bed thinking of them."

"I don't know why, I should have been upset by them, but just watching her being that wild, seeing her being taken sometimes by more than one man was just, primal I guess."

“Getting close to TMI." I gave a nervous laugh, but knew exactly what he meant, it was what I'd felt watching that scene with two men.

“Sorry, just being honest. I bought some of the adult movie mags and they talked about how directors and other actors all said she wasn't acting, that when she," He hesitated, “Got off, it was for real, that she really got into the action, That got me even hotter. I started figuring I was some type of voyeur."

“Maybe and mom was probably a....what do you call them, exhibitor?"

“Exhibitionist.” Dad corrected me, "I would think so many of them are. Your mother was the perfect porn star. She was sexually promiscuous even before her career, would do anything, got into it and unfortunately felt it was the only attention she was worth."

“He saw herself as nothing but an uneducated whore doing what she did best, fucking. That's why she became so emotional when I made love to her."

“Kind of sad."

“Very. Now speaking of sex that's the other part of my problem. You saw the note so you already knew I enjoyed these, but it makes me feel better to come out and say it. You also read that I...can't be like that with her."“why 2" “Wish I knew. I think in the beginning it was because I didn't want her to keep acting like she did in the movies. We made love or had just I'll say basic sex. After time passed, I wanted to just cut loose and have sex with Molly Minx, not Mary my wife. But I couldn't and still can't."