“Don't know why." I shrugged, thinking if I had a girl who had done what mom did, I'd want her to do it for me every chance she could.

“Maybe my upbringing, I was raised to think porn was disgusting then married a former porn. star. That and I think I felt less than those guys in more than just, um, endowment, but the way they took her."

“The confidence, the aggressiveness. That's not me. I thought that a wild cat like Molly was too much for me, but Mary the woman who melted when I loved her sweetly and with affection? Her I could give what she wanted." “They're the same person, dad."

“Yes and no. Your mother talked about Molly as if she thought she was a persona that took control. She always said Mary was the one enjoying life now after Molly had done everything she could to ruin her. I started to see it that way and thought if I wanted it wild and crazy she would relive the Molly days."

“I think you both talk about Molly like she died or something. We're always who we are, no?" I said, confused at why it would matter.

“Another old soul remark from you. Not that simple. Mom saw Molly as a source of pain and disgrace. The opposite of her as the loving wife and mom. I saw her the same way, but still wanted Molly in the worst way. We've never talked about it, probably should, but we're happy and that's what counts."

“Honestly? I think I bore her, but she never wants to say it and I think she figures if she comes on like Molly, dressed trashy, looking to get wild, then it will make me recall those days, Molly continues to live on, but in a negative sense. Mary wants no part of Molly, I'd love a part of Molly, but it's not worth your mother's pain if it triggers bad memories."

“That's screwed up, but I get it

"So I still watch these damn movies. I got rid of a lot of them, but can't make myself get rid of all of them." He put the note back in the box, slipping it between two movies and closed the lid.

“Give mom that note." I told him, “That's why you wrote it.”

"I wrote it five years ago." He locked the box, “Obviously I don't have the balls to give it to her. I guess I'll live vicariously through twenty year old movies."

"You're missing out." I told him what I personally felt, no way would I deny myself that.

"Past is the past dad and those guys were paid, they meant nothing, mom loves you."

“Wow, who is the adult here?" Dad whistled.

"You're right, Paul and I think that's why I don't want the two to mix. Your mom gave me a chance before, said she'd be my whore if I wanted her to be because it would only be for me. She was inviting me to and I just couldn't, again my loss, maybe hers, but I just can't."

“Well, its never too late to try, dad." I told him, “You guys are barely over forty, got a lot of time left to enjoy."

“That's true." He nodded, "On the other hand I tell myself life's too short and you never know and I should act now."

“Please, you're not going anywhere anytime soon, Dad." I got up and going over to him, put my arm around his shoulders, “You're going to be around a long time and when I'm making a ton of money I'll take care of you and mom the way you guys take care of me.”

“You're a good kid, Paul." Dad surprised me by kissing me on the cheek.

"I have no doubt you'll take good care of us. But on that subject. You promise me two things.”

“Anything.” “If anything should happen to me you take good care of your mother." “Promise.”

“And you never tell her you know. Even if someone sees her and brings it up, you play dumb, because I had promised I would never tell you. You never tell her, no matter what, got it?"

“Got it." I clapped him on the arm, “But it's not even worth talking about because you're going to be here for a long time."

I went up to my room with my head spinning. Finding the movies was shocking enough, but my reaction to them was more so. Then Dad telling me he felt the same way; that they got him hot even all these years later. But mom was his wife, it was still odd he'd want to watch her fucked by other guys, but he had sex with her. This was my mother. The videos should have made me sick to my stomach, not get me hard.

I entered my room and sitting down at my desk, winced in pain. I'd gotten so caught up in talking to dad, I'd forgotten about the DVD tucked into my pants and the case had dug into my stomach, I removed it and looked at the cover which featured mom topless, in between a man and a woman, her kissing the woman, while the man kissed her back and covered her tits with his hands.