“We did not know that would happen. We thought they would be angry. My Brothers and I were foolish and acted out of fear. Please forgive us, Sister."

“And then you BRED me Like a dog,” I seethed pulling my wet garments over my half cleaned body.

“You forced me to birth a son I will never know. Nu-reeh may not have even gotten another child from me before we left, but you all made it happen..."

“It was a stupid mistake, Sister," Evan begged.

“We wanted to protect you-"

The anger rose and I threw a bar of soap at him hitting his shoulder.

“YOU HAVE NEVER PROTECTED ME!" I shouted with righteous fury. "You men have beaten and controlled me from the first day you met me! I mean nothing to you! You do not understand family!”

I stormed out of the cave alone and went back to the small room I shared with my friend. I was so angry. My fists were bloody from hitting the wall when I finally stopped that. Instead I sat on the bed and looked at Jonathan's picture. For the first time in a very long time I allowed the anger and frustration out. Time had no meaning as I railed against the unfairness of it all.

I was as good as dead to my Earth family and I'd never see them again. My daughters were grown and gone. I was unable to raise my precious boy. The men I thought I had Loved, I'd been tricked into caring for. Nothing seemed real anymore. On this world and in this life I had absolutely nothing.

It became a cycle. I'd sob for a while watching Jonathan's picture and then scream into my pillow until I was hoarse. Rose appeared at some point, but I ignored her until she left. I just continued with my raving until I was too weak to do anything save stare at my young son's face.

"Mama," Kennedy said softly, "come out and talk to us." "No," I rasped not taking my eyes off Jonathan's image.

“It's time, Mama," Kennedy said softly.

“Come out and talk to us. You've held this in for too long."

Much against my wishes I dragged myself into the sitting area around the fire. Kennedy and her Sisters had arranged themselves and sat cross ‘legged on the floor. They were there for the long haul, so to speak.

Kennedy and her Sisters were wise beyond their years. They said they'd been waiting, very patiently, for me to become angry. I had a right to be mad, they told me, Rose had the same right. We'd held our feelings inside and denied them long enough. The loving relationships we had with our families were based in a very dark place. We had to accept the whole truth and we'd never done that.

I talked to the girls all day. Rose came back and after some prodding, she did the same things I'd done that morning. We both slowly came to terms with the way we felt and it made no sense.

My body felt horrible and raw. My mind was in turmoil and I wanted two very different things. I wanted Damien and his Brothers to comfort me. At the same time I wanted to hurt them as badly as I could. If I could have I would have beaten them all to a bloody pulp and felt vindicated doing it. It was very confusing.

I did not Like discussing this with Kennedy one bit, but she seemed not bothered by my ambivalence about her father. She knew me at my most intimate level and I suppose the questions had always been there. Evidently she'd come to terms with it long ago.

The next day I went to work with Armant and I helped in the fields, but I didn't meet Damien and his Brothers in the morning. For days I thought about how I felt and it never got any clearer. I had a choice now, I realized. Damien and his Brothers weren't the only men on this planet.

I sought out men that looked attractive to me. At night I had dinner with different families and even flirted with some. We'd go back to their rooms and talk a little. I just couldn't find a connection with any of them. It just felt like friendship.

Thinking about my own sexual needs started to make me frustrated. I wanted relief, but I was having trouble finding men to provide it. In the middle of the night I'd find myself curled in a chair as Rose slept in the bed. It was hard to sleep when I was this horny.

My memories were filled with arousing images. As angry as I was at Damien and his Brothers, they were magnificent looking men. Inadvertently I began to remember times I'd seen them wet with sweat and seeking release between my thighs. I tried to imagine other men and always ended up focusing back on the bodies I knew so well.