It struck me that my own actions may have made the situation worse. Damien and his Brothers had quickly trained me to do what they wanted and let them provide. Even after they had freed me I'd maintained that out of habit.

When I thought back on it, I'd rarely been forceful in helping to lead the family. The times I was persistent, they took my feelings into account. Honestly, I was rarely forceful with them. More than once, I'd just blithely assumed they would care for me.

In truth, I'd known I was not taking any contraception when I'd become pregnant with Jonathan. Instead of demanding the men discuss it with me, I'd just let it continue. I'd allowed them to care for me entirely. I'd followed the slave training and not thought about the responsibilities of a free Sister.

I sat with my basket of berries and looked up into the sunlight. In the distance I could hear men talking and laughing. Birds and other creatures called out into the bright afternoon. There was no gloom here, except in my thoughts.

Perhaps I could have told them how much they hurt me when they punished me. The morning after I had expressed some of it, but I'd buried most of it. I'd kept the dreams a secret and not really helped them understand the psychological damage they had inflicted on our relationship.

While I could not have stopped the corporal punishment, I could have helped them understand it was a mistake. If I'd really been honest about how scarring that experience was, they might have listened. Instead I had buried my feelings and let things go on. It was a slave's reaction to accept their will without question. I should not have done that.

At the end of the day, the issue was clear. I loved Damien and his Brothers, despite their past mistakes. They had forced me into performing sexually for them, but they'd never asked that I come to love them. In the beginning I don't think they'd even been aware I could feel this way about them. Now everything about this situation was my choice.

There were two options really. I could ignore the way I felt and let it fade into a memory. We would share offspring, but be no closer than a divorced couple in a similar circumstance. The second option to offer Damien and his Brothers real forgiveness and a chance to do right. If I really had it in me to pardon them for their past crimes and failures we could try again. Neither option was without flaws and I risked something either way.

Several days later, I went to the giant bathing cave in the early morning and sat beside the dryer on a warm stone. Men's clothing was there, so I was sure Damien and his Brothers were in here somewhere.

After many moments Damien and his Brothers moved into the light. They looked pained as they filed out of the water. I watched stoically as they dried themselves and sat in a semi-circle around me. We didn't speak and merely sat quietly with one another.

“You made mistakes," I told them after a while. "I won't tolerate those mistakes again. No one is going to beat me or force me to do things. I won't be tricked or trained anymore. Our relationship must be as open as the one you share with each other.”

“We talk to Kennedy and Hannah," Christof said softly.

“They help us understand things. My Brothers and I acted dishonorably many times. We know that things are different here from what we were taught. We are learning to think differently."

“Pain is not a tool we should use," Kein said bluntly. "Bringing pain is a way to train someone. We are all intelligent. If we are taught we can learn to change without pain. My Brothers and I don't need pain, neither do you. What we did to you never should have been done, especially after we called you family."

“Thank you," I said accepting his understanding.

“I am not as physically strong as you, but that does not give you the right to dominate me. I demand your respect and consideration in all things.”

“We believed you weak, Sister," Evan said solemnly. "We thought we had to protect you, but the things we did were wrong. Even if it brought you pain, you deserved the truth as we knew it. My Brothers and I were so desperate to keep you, we pushed you away."

I nodded and knew they were learning, finally.

“We apologize," Damien said, “for our wrongdoing, all of it. We wish to change and learn the new ways. All of us want you in our Life, we are lonely without you."

Heads bowed with left arm crossing each chest the men waited for my decision.

It was a huge choice and turning point for me and I chose to stay. My men had made mistakes, loads of them, but they were willing to change. I wanted to be with them for that. Somehow I knew I would treasure this about them as time went on.

"Promise to respect me," I whispered getting down on my knees in front of Damien, “and I will promise you the same."