Chapter 511

I snorted. “You got me there.” I drank more wine. “But it did get us more information. It unveiled the Brotherhood, and it got me out of there.”

He nodded once. “But now you hate me.” He scratched at the grain on the table. “And I don’t know how I am supposed to recover from that.”

“You lied to me.”

He blew out a breath. “I did…but in my defense, I didn’t think I was—”

I snorted. “How do you fucking figure?”

He raised his hands. “I wrote you a letter every week to cover some of the miscommunication. But I also thought your dad was telling you all of his plans. And I say ‘his plans’ because I was following his lead. He was able to move in the shadows, pretending to be dead, while I was stuck in the limelight.”

“So you were playing your part, thinking that I was too, only to find out afterwards that I wasn’t.” I slumped.

“Yeah.” He chugged his drink. “Look, I’ve been taught all my life that I have to be careful, that I have to keep myself hidden. So, when I am myself, I don’t talk about my wolf’s name unless I’m with family. When Erubus is out, he does the same.”

“Why?”

He tilted his head at me like I was being foolish. “I am the last Lycan.” He blinked. “Well, I thought I was the last Lycan. My kind were hunted down, my father was killed, and I was raised by backstabbing assholes.” His phone rang, but he silenced it. “But even before my world fell apart, it was the same. I am a Lycan male. I have to hide my scent or I will drive females crazy.” I rolled my eyes, which made his lips twitch. “You can roll your eyes. But until you’ve seen an unmated female scent a Lycan male, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Come on.” I shook my head.

“The first time I saw it was when I was nine. A male thought it would be funny to release his scent in a pack. Thankfully, it was a small pack—only twelve unmated females. But all twelve went insane.”

“What do you mean?” I leaned onto the table, ensnared by his words.

“I mean it literally. Four killed themselves when he found his mate. One plucked out her eyes. The rest had to be shipped out of the country so they would stop chasing him.”

“Holy.”

He nodded. “One of the women actually snuck back to America. And when the man and his mate were rushing to the pack doctor to deliver their first pup, they were hit by her car. She made sure the mate was dead and then dragged the man from the wreckage. She took him, and when he refused to mate her, she killed him and then herself.”

I leaned my head in my hand. “Seriously?” He nodded.

“It shaped how I see mating and scent sharing. My mother made sure I understood how much it could ruin someone.” He took a deep breath. “That’s why I always held myself back from you. I’ve scented you, and I knew you weren’t my mate.” He met my eyes. “I prayed to the goddess that I was wrong.” He shook his head. “It was silly, but true.” He groaned as he sat back. “I’ll never be able to let myself be free around you. Never share everything with you. And you deserve that. Even from a chosen mate.”

His words hit me. “Rowan.”

He waved me off. “You do.” He stood from the table. “I’ve spent these last few years getting close to you as Thoth, and I know that was a cruel thing to do. But I had no other way to talk to you. Your father made sure of that. But when he came to me with a compromise, I jumped at it.”

“Rowan.”

“I’m sorry, okay?” He started to pace. “I’m sorry I listened to your father and stayed away. I’m sorry I made you feel abandoned. I’m sorry that I pretended to be Thoth to be able to talk to you.”

I stood and grabbed my bottle of wine and chugged it. Nix stood up. “Are you doing what I think you are doing?”

I ignored her question and finished my bottle. “Rowan.”

“Amy, please, I know I’ve treated you like a piece of shit. And to be fair, I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I am asking for it.” He had walked halfway across my room, and I followed him. “Even if you can’t forgive me fully, can you please just give me an inch? Can we be friends?” He whirled to find me behind him and jumped. “Fucking hell.” He settled. “I need you in my life, Amy. In any form you will give me.”