Chapter159
Jonathan and I didn’t seem like the kind of couple that got married for love.
Was it a shotgun wedding?
But we didn’t have a child.
I shut my eyes, forcing myself to stop thinking about it. All I could say, painfully,was, “I give up. I can’t keep living like this. These years of marriage have been nothing but pain for me. I had no joy and no peace.”
I didn’t know what the 25–year–old version of me had been thinking… But the me standing here now felt nothing but suffocation and sadness.
If that pain hadn’t run so deep, I wouldn’t have ended up slitting my wrists in the first place.
Even without remembering the past five years, I knew those memories had to be full of wounds, not a trace of sweetness.
“I’m begging you, let me go.”
“To you… Are all those years just pain? There’s not a single moment worth holding on to?” Jonathan asked, his voice raw, like he hadn’t expected me to say that.
I watched his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed. His dark eyes, usually unreadable, now looked like they were cracking, splintering with something he was trying hard to hide.
I took a deep breath and nodded, steady and sure. “Yes. These five years of marriage with you were the worst years of my life. If I could go back and choose again, I’d choose not to marry you. Every time.”
The night felt heavy, and the silence beside me felt even heavier.
Itwas 3:30 am, and I still couldn’t sleep.
Jonathan wasn’t lying next to me. I thought I’d sleep soundly after he left, but to my surprise, I couldn’t fall asleep at all.
Suddenly, I sat up in bed.
The image of Jonathan getting up and walking out was still fresh in my mind.
It wasexactlywhat I wanted, so why did my chest feel so empty?
Ipressed a hand to my chest and walked to the floor–to–ceiling window. Looking down, I was surprised to see that the person who was supposed to be gone hadn’t left.
Jonathanwassitting by the flowerbed below,smoking.
His white dress shirt stood out starkly,even in the dark. That sharp face, that tall frame, he was impossible tomiss.
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A faint red glow burned at his fingertips. When it nearly reached his skin, he finally put the cigarette out and stood up to leave.
Afraid he might suddenly look up and see me, I instinctively stepped back from the glass.
After a moment, I looked again. He was gone.
The ground below was completely empty. I clutched my chest and slowly sank into a crouch.
I didn’t know exactly what I was feeling. Maybe a little disappointed, but also… relieved.
I closed my eyes. At least I made it through the night, didn’t I?
It wasn’t until four in the morning that I finally fell asleep.
So, when I was woken up at nine by Frederick’s phone call, I was still half–asleep and annoyed.” It’s so early, why are you making so much noise?”
“It’s already nine. Why aren’t you up yet?”
Frederick’s voice sounded far away, and yet somehow close, too.
I was still groggy, but the moment I heard him, I snapped fully awake and sat up in bed. ” Frederick?”
“Yeah, it’s me. You still not fully awake?”
Frederick glanced at the time, then peeked into my room from the hallway. “I’m right outside your door. Want to grab breakfast together?”
“Sorry… Maybe you can go ahead without me.”
He caught something in my tone and immediately sounded more serious. There was a hint of concern in his voice. “What’s wrong? Are you not feeling well after last night?”
“No, no, I’m fine.” I shook my head, though I still didn’t know how to explain any of it to him.
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Chapter 160